I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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