Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
