I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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