I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
