Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am midnight drunk by noon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize