my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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