my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
