Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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