Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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