I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
