The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
