you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize