I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
