Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
