Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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