Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
