I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
