Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
