How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
