we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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