fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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