Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize