The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
handjob tips. give me some.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
