I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
