Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
