I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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