i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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