Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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