we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
