literally had 100 drinks last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
