Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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