I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
