jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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