Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
