she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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