Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
