Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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