I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
