This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
