Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
