i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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