No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize