i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
These tits shall not be calmed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
