I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
