I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize