I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
