I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
