My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
