ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
