did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
