I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
