im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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