i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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