Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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