if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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