I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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