I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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