Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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