Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she looked like the before picture.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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