covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
