fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
