I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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