You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
