you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
