Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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