and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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