Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
