Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
