just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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