Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
