Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
