you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
