I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
