I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
