Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
