Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
