Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
