I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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