Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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