i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
