Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
