Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
